Virginia "Ginny" Ellen Decoteau

She was born on Long Island, New York and grew up in Michigan. Virginia Ellen King became Ginny Decoteau. Let me tell you a little about this wonderful woman and our life together.

As some of you know, we met at a picnic when I was just 15 and she would have been 14. There was a dance that night and I got up enough nerve to ask her to dance. When I made my move and asked her, she turned and grabbed a chubby girl’s arm, next to her and said, “dance with her” and I did to be polite.

I met up with her again in high school when I was in 10th grade, and she was in 9th grade. We started dating shortly after that. I was on the football team, and she went to the games and there was usually a dance after the homecoming games. I was not much of a fast dancer but liked the slow dancing. I finally got my dance. There is nothing like holding her close. If you were going steady you usually gave a girl a ring, I don’t remember if I did or not but the first ring, I gave her was my senior ring at some point. The next ring she got was our wedding ring. We always talked about me getting her a heart shaped diamond ring whenever we strolled by jewelry shops. She did get a diamond ring later in our marriage but not the heart one, but this one was stolen when someone broke into our house. We never wore jewelry, so rings were not the sole meaning of our love.

We did everything together like boating, hiking, biking, driving to places, movies, and drive-ins, etc. While dating, if Ginny said or did something inappropriate, her mother would tell her, “You don’t know what that does to a guy.” I think I had a clue. It was important to be polite and proper though.

Her mother worked 2 jobs to help feed the family and pay the bills. Ginny was the middle daughter of a family of 6 with 5 girls. She had to cook, do the dishes and laundry for the family when we met. They didn’t travel and go places except an occasional trip to New York in the summer where her mom’s family lived. We spent a lot of time together. I had a car and we ventured out to explore what we could.

We got married when I was 18 and she was 16, about to turn 17 in a month. She was very mature for her age, and I loved her so. That day we gave our hearts to each other for life. We went to Long Island, New York for our honeymoon. I got to meet several of her uncles, aunts, and cousins. We stopped at Niagara Falls on the way back. It was amazing. In later years we will come back and visit the falls with friends and family. It’s spectacular to see so much water going over the falls. We remembered our honeymoon trip here as being special.

When we were first married, we sang in the choir at church for Christmas mass. I enjoyed those times. Ginny would sing in the car or maybe around the house. She had a beautiful voice. Now she can sing with the angels.

We loved swimming. She lived on a canal that went out to Cass Lake and I lived across the street from Morris Lake. Fresh water swimming is so much fun when the water is warm. We both signed up for scuba lessons with John Corsaut. When it came time for our final dive test to get our certification, she couldn’t do it because she was pregnant at the time. We could snorkel all we wanted and that was much cheaper.

Our first house was a 28’ trailer with Beth sleeping in the Tub. I did carpentry with my dad and brothers. When work became slow, I started working in a Chevrolet plant and we got an apartment closer to work. My dad moved to California and said there was lots of work so after over a year in the plant, we headed west. Beth had been born in Michigan at this time.

It was hard for her out here without her family. So, after a short time, we moved back to Michigan. I went back into the Chevy plant to work. She knew I wanted to be a carpenter, so after about 1 ½ years in the plant, she said she was ready to move back and let me pursue my path. Holly was born now and was only a couple months old when we made the move again. Holly slept in a small bed on the floor of the U-Haul. I told her mother we would be back once I became a journeyman. Teri came a couple years after that, and we have been here ever since. Sorry Mom.

She hadn’t finished high school when we married, so she went back to night school to get her high school diploma. That made me very proud. She went on to take more classes to up her education. She was not only smart but considerate.

We went from another bigger travel trailer to a single wide mobile home in Poway. It was one of the only parks that took kids. I turned the single wide into a double wide. We wanted a home and went out in search. What we got was a fixer upper, but I accepted the challenge to make it better. The house was about 990 sq. ft.

I worked side jobs so we could buy things and have money to go on vacations. I knew it was important as a family. I built what I could for the kids like a jungle gym, table, and chairs, play kitchen, all to save money but that was my trade to build things. Homemade things are more special than store bought. How many people do you know have a Hollyair refrigerator? Nothing was out of my reach as I cooked up surprises for her with a small portion of the money I made. My joy was to make her happy and her joy was to make others happy. Yea, and me also.

I tried to get her back to Michigan. With as much as we could afford. This is what the side jobs were for. She would go back with the kids in the summer and work with her mom to help make money and be with her family. At that time, she was a stay-at-home Mom. We thought that was important for the kids. It’s hard nowadays for mothers to do this. I would stay back and remodel the house to make it better for her and the family while they were away. It gave me something to do since it was lonely without her. It was always a surprise for her when she returned, which made me happy. I think she was so thankful for the house to keep getting bigger and nicer. She never complained about what we had. Our house now is 1,975 sq. ft. A little small still when you get all the kids and grandkids to spend the night before holidays, but we manage. The trailer in the driveway is where we cuddle up on those nights to free up our bed for someone else.

While the kids were young, she would do her best to take them on adventures. They would go once a month to Universal Studio’s. They first met Todd there. He was Dracula in the Beatle Juice show. They would get in line and send Teri in with the front of the crowd. She would save front row seats for them all. They followed several bands like New Kids on the Block. When the grandkids were little, she took them to the Wiggles. We would save up money to take them to the Ice Capades and Circus. There were so many events she made sure her kids got to see. She wasn’t able to do these things when she was little.

Hostess day old bakery. The kids will tell you what a treat it was to go. We went because we could get lots for just a little. It was so cheap. Holly couldn’t wait to get Crocodile’s. Ginny would buy things for the kid's lunches. Yes, she made lunches back then for her children.

I grew up with my mother making cakes for birthdays and hiding money, wrapped in foil, in the cake. (You turn the cake over and push them in the bottom.) I would get caramel cake for my birthdays from Sauders, and was at one time, only found in Michigan. When we went back to Michigan, she usually would get one and she would try to bring it back on the plane. We later found a similar cake at Ralph’s and on my birthday each year she would get one for me. The family loved them and still do. Michigan had the best donuts in the world. We called it the nutty donut and Ginny’s sister, Cindy, would buy them whenever we came back to see her and brought them out a couple times to California. Her eyes would sparkle at the sight of that nutty goodness. It can be the little things in life that make us happy.

Beth’s fire department would have a pancake breakfast every year to raise money for burn victims and other charities. Beth usually ended up running and organizing this. It was a huge event in Arcadia. They put out booths from vendors, fire trucks and engines for the kids to explore, fire demonstrations for the public, and obstacle courses for the kids with an auction table to bid on baskets and things to help raise money. It was their big fundraiser for the year. Ginny would donate way too much and make baskets to enter but she knew it went to a good cause. They did a bake sale for a few years and Ginny cooked so many things for this. She then ran the booths with her daughters and grandkids. She didn’t just bake your run of the mill items, they had to be unusual and fun. We spent the night before decorating her whimsical desserts. The next day she got ooos and aaah’s and sold out of her creations.

We dressed up for parties, we went on cruises, we took vacations, and the theme was always family and friends. Did you want her support, just ask her to come. She would for sure be there and would even help if you wanted her to. She was hoping you would let her bring a dish. She would love to make something if she could. If anyone posted something on Facebook, asking for donations, you could bet she sent money or bought what they were selling. We usually never walked past a girl scout without buying at least one box to help them out. She wouldn’t tell them we just bought 5 boxes from someone else. We had so many boxes, we donated them to the church fish dinners because we didn’t need that many tempting cookies of goodness. Sometimes she would give them the money and tell them the box was for them. The kids would look shocked and say, thank you. All she wanted was a thank you and smile and to help them out because so many people walked by and said no thank you. She remembered when our girls sold them and how they were treated.

I think everyone knows how special she was, I certainly did. I lived to take care of her and do anything I could to make her life easier and happier. People say I am a caregiver but really, I was her lover and companion and best friend. I loved it when she would tell me I am the best. It made me think I was doing the right things for her. I wanted her to think she was the best every day.

She had plenty of setbacks and her share of problems. She went roller skating with friends, and she broke her wrist and ankle when getting her foot caught on the step going onto the rink and down, she went. One night she left her clothes drawer open, under the bed, and fell in the night and broke her arm just below her shoulder socket. When the Paramedics came, she kept apologizing. She worked to stretch and get it back to the best it could be. If something was too high to reach, I stepped in to help because her arm didn’t go that high anymore. She took her grandkids to the zoo and stepped back out of the way of a Stoller and fell off the curb. Down she went and broke her arm. I had to go get the kids from the zoo office because the ambulance took her to the hospital. We were at a birthday party for the grandkids and while loading the car afterwards, she tripped on a parking bumper. She was wearing a walking cast and had not allowed for the extra length. Off in an ambulance she went. I wanted her to stop getting ambulance rides. These were all minor setbacks. She had a saying with others, “time to put your big girl panties on” and she would. She got cancer in a small spot on her nose. They had to take a large chunk out and remake a nostril from a piece of her ear. They did a great job.

She was a woman of many talents. After her kids finished school, she looked for work. The hats she wore were many. She did construction cleaning. She went back to college to learn medical billing. She worked in a call center selling plane tickets for US air. She got many awards for being so kind that people would write back letters of thank you. This gave us free airfare, on standby which we used to take trips. She worked in the shoe department at K-Mart. She was a CCD teacher for church. She was a soccer coach for Holly’s team, and she also played soccer. She was good at both. She had one heck of a kick. People would move out of the way when she was kicking. She would practice getting better when she could. She played goalie and defender mostly. We became a soccer family. After soccer it was a trip to Der Wienerschnitzel. Even her kids from her soccer team remember these times. The last time we went was a few weeks ago after Lily’s game. They had a new coke machine; it was usually Pepsi. She said, “I love this place even more”. I think if you knew her, you knew she loved Caffeine free Diet Coke but only had one a day.

She was a preschool teacher for maybe 20 years. She loved this job so much. Miss Ginny had many kids that loved her. Seeing them years later and for them to still remember her gave her much joy. Her room was always the best and sometimes she would take her grandkids to her class. It made them feel special going to school with Grandma. Parents loved her but what’s not to love. At Christmas time, she would get Christmas cards from parents who still remembered her. Who would do that unless she was someone special. Our dentist gave her the family discount because her kids were in her class, and she was so appreciative. I got a card at Christmas from a mother that didn’t know she had passed. I wrote her back and she sent me the nicest letter about Ginny. It warms my heart.

We don’t have many early on childhood photos of her because she hated her picture taken. That changed as we got older, and the kids came along. You will notice we do a lot of selfies with the cell phone coming out. When we see someone wanting to take a picture of their wife or kids, we will offer to take the picture for them so they can get in it but tell others that ask the same of us, no, it’s our special thing to take selfies, thanks. I would usually take the pictures because I had the longer arms. I realize now I didn’t take enough of my wonderful wife but with about 1,000 pictures of her, you will see, I’m wrong again. Men are wrong and woman are right, live with it.

The grandchildren meant the world to us, but I always took the back seat to where we were going when it came to the grandkids. I didn’t mind. I would give her my dates when I had something planned so she could put it on her calendar, but it better not interfere with their schedule. We would go to every event or award ceremony for the grandkids. We went to their plays, school open houses, performances, etc. She would not hesitate to babysit when asked. Teri’s kids didn’t get as much attention as the others because she was a stay-at-home mom like her, so Ginny usually gave up a day a week to help Teri around the house. She has 4 children. I would follow sometimes and do the things I was best at to help, like pruning, painting, and building a room but she was the rock star. I was the shadow.

She didn’t ever miss their first day of school for the last 17 years. We had to make sure our vacations didn’t conflict. I will have to continue with this now. We loved going to their soccer games. I brought 2 chairs but once the game started, she said she couldn’t sit still and paced the sidelines yelling. They all knew we would be there. She had a distinct yell that if we were running late, she would do the yell as she crested the hill, and the kids knew Grandma was there and so did all the other kids.

When Beth and Todd had to work, Ginny would spend the night to babysit Tehya and Lily. In the morning, she would get up early and shower. When it was the girls’ time to get up, she would take her phone into their room and play, “Good Morning Beautiful, how was your day.” It would wake them up slowly. They knew when the song ended, it was time to get up. Wouldn’t you have liked to be woken up this way.

When I was leaving for work, even in these later years when it was just a couple part time hours, I would say, “Honey I going to work to make money” and she would reply “Yea. She was so cute.

We had our special moments. After a shower, I had to leave a Q-Tip on the counter for her. If I forgot, she would give me a look and to the drawer I went. Little things like this meant a lot. In church there was always the squeeze of the hand after the Our Father which was to signify “I love you”. As we walked to receive communion, I always let her out first and then followed. As we would stop in the isle, I would take my knuckle and rub up the center of her back. She would look up and take a large breath to signify the gesture of I love you. We believed in God and the importance of going to church each week since we were married. I hope God is letting her see the love everyone is expressing down here for her today. I pray to got each day and ask him to take care of my wife and ease my mind from grief.

Do you have any favorites? When traveling, we usually would find a Cracker Barrel. It was the best restaurant in the United States. She had the same thing every time. Chicken and Dumplings. How about Big Boy? We would drive north to one of the last ones in California so she could have a Slim Jim. Michigan had Frankenmuth. It was a Bavarian town that had the Bavarian Inn with a family style dinner having 15 different antres. We had many family, get togethers here or just going with her sisters was a nostalgia treat. It also had a 365 days a year Christmas store called Bronner’s. It was the largest in the United States. We had been going there since we were married. We started buying, 1 German hand-blown ornament every year from there for our tree. The kids each have one or two or three of them that they had selected and called them theirs. Her tree was something special to her. Full of a lifetime of memories. Oh, and that silly bell. It was always the last ornament to go on the tree. Santa used to ring it if you believed.

She did everything right. She rode her exercise bike for a ½ hour each day. Made sure all the rings on her phone were closed. Watched what we ate. On our walks, she had a harder time with sidewalks that went up and down at each driveway so I took the outside so she could walk along a flatter path to the top. In our trailer, the bed was high because of it being a Murphy bed over the couch, so I built her a special step and handle on the wall. I painted a little mouse on the step to make it cute for her. Everything was for her. Now who do I take care of?

I knew what she liked, and she knew what I liked. If in the store she saw something I liked, she would buy it. If it looked like it was perfect for the grandkids, she bought it. Shopping wasn’t just for necessities. It was a time for spreading joy.

Once a month, I would play poker with a great group of old friends. I won more than lost. She would tell me if I didn’t let them win, they won’t let you play anymore. So, on the nights I wasn’t winning, I would tell everyone that my wife said I had to let you guys win once in a while. This was her night also with one or more of the grandkids. They would go to Red Lobster. One of her favorite restaurants. She would get shrimp which was Caleb and Emma’s favorite meal also. It made me feel better that doing something without her wasn’t leaving her alone.

We went on a cruise with Cindy and Ron and many of their friends. Bill and Pat Timms went with us. I planned out a whole surprise for her. I would give her something each day of the cruise building up to our Anniversary. I would put something on her pillow at night for when we came back to the room. At the last dinner, I made fortune cookies and made my own clever sayings in them. At dinner, the waiter passed them out to everyone. We went around the table reading the saying the funny notes. It got many chuckles. When it got to Ginny, they gave her a special one with pearl earrings in it and a note wishing her a Happy Birthday. I was so proud of her. She had just started taking coumadin before that cruise.

We bought a blow-up bounce house for the grandkids when Avery and Caleb were young. Do you have one? No more renting one for us. We could just pull it out whenever we wanted to let the kids bounce. She would love to sit and watch them have fun. I did the set up and take down with help, while she was probably in the kitchen. It traveled to other friends’ houses, and she donated it for events. She got in it a couple times, but it was a workout. Better left to the youth to get out some energy and have fun.

Ginny had a cookbook. I want to say it was a gathering of recipes that she has done since early on in our marriage. First she had a Better Homes and Garden Cookbook for years. We bought a second and third because her first book fell apart from using it through the years. She then started putting her recipes down in print. I helped with many of these and have them on the computer. She has a folder that we kept them all. Avery asked her if she would make her a cookbook. She then got the idea when looking through pictures that she had many of the grandkids sitting in the kitchen helping her cook. This started another tradition. She worked for hours and hours making Avery the first of what was to be many cookbooks with Grandma’s recipes and pictures of them cooking together. It was called “Cooking with Grandma”. It was a beautiful thing that I am sure Avery will cherish for many years to come. She started to make more for the other grandkids but are unfinished works of art in a large basket. We still have that second Better H&G book that is well used, along with her overflowing book she developed and used up to now. Holly and I made cookbooks for Beth, Teri, Holly, and friends in memory of her. We will have more to make in the future. What she started; I want to finish.

We had our Black Friday traditions. She would love to go out on black Friday for deals. She didn’t really need them, per say, but I think saving money went back to earlier years when we didn’t have as much. She was proud of what she bought and how much she saved. She did have a budget, and this helped her go above and beyond. It was doing it with family that was important, and the girls would go out with her. Ginny would come home with bags of joy. She spent what she saved and bought toys and animals for the toy drives. This could take up a table at our house. I was so proud of her for this. Now the grandkids and friends started going out with her. We would buy cases of food at Costco for the food bank. She wanted others to not go without when she now had enough. She has a special Black Friday shirt that I will always keep. After that morning or late-night intense shopping, we would all meet at Hamburger Factory for breakfast. They was an artist that was usually painting Christmas scenes on the window. The last Christmas we were there, the windows weren’t’ painted. She had to go talk to management and they got done.

At Thanksgiving she would buy 3 turkeys because it was her and our favorite meal and they were on sale during that time. One for Thanksgiving, one for Christmas, and one for Easter. At Thanksgiving we would pray in a circle and say what we were thankful for, and many would say Grandma and the hands that prepared this meal. What a feast we would have, and she would be the one to prepare it all. She started the day or two before with making pies. Key Lime for Chris, Chocolate for Tehya, Lily, and Mason. Pecan for Todd and Ginny, Pumpkin for Avery, and Apple Pie for Emma. She knew everyone else had one or more of these they liked. I would have one of each if I could. Each one was the best you have ever had. No one helped her prepare this meal. Not because they didn’t want to but it’s what she did and wanted to do. Cooking and baking was another way she expressed her love for her family and friends, and it filled her heart with joy.

At Christmas the cooking got intense. She had the cookie gambit to prepare. Peanut butter with a kiss on top for Holly, Date nut pinwheels for David, Chocolate Crinkles for Teri, Snowballs (Russian Tea Cakes) for everyone and friends, Cranberry filled for Ginny, Gumdrop for Beth. I loved them all. They would be put out for get togethers during December and given as gifts. The cooking increased as we got closer to Christmas with sticky buns and caramel apple rolls. All who had tried them said they were the best and they were. This took her days of preparation. They were made for neighbors and friends, not just us. I got to help some here. I ran the apple slicer. Pans and pans she turned out that covered our counters and table. She spent from morning to night making them. We had to deliver them the night before Christmas so friends would have them that morning. She said, you couldn’t wake up and not have her sticky buns for breakfast. I think it grew to 12 families that all looked forward to getting them.

Some say she knew Santa. I can tell you, she did, and he loved her. If you see any pictures of her opening Christmas presents you will see her in an apron. We had to stop opening presents because breakfast was ready. Back to the presents and back to the kitchen to keep preparing the main meal. She did let me carve the bird that was stuffed with her second favorite part of the meal, stuffing. She did come sit down in her apron to open her presents. She would get her chair and we would all watch.

We went to a Christmas play at Lambs Player’s theatre that our kids had been going to since they were young. I remember one year we went, and at intermission they ran out of gingerbread cookies. Well for the next several years after, she was not going to go and have that happen again. She started baking a large basket of large gingerbread cookies, so everyone got one. The day before she spent time baking them and then we both sat at the kitchen table decorating them with frosting so they would come alive. We would make each one different. Did you know turning them 180 degrees, you could make a reindeer cookie? After the play, everyone came to our house. We would order these things called “Beto Snacks” from a restaurant that is gone now called, Rene’s. This get together was for old friends, family, and for the neighborhood children that all attended the play. There was a gift exchange for the kids. People would just chip in money for the food because Ginny prepared the buffet. Grandma Ginny got lots of hugs. One year she rented a snow machine that we put in the back yard. This was just some clean fun.

All the holidays were at Grandma’s house. The kids would wake up on Easter morning with candy the Easter Bunny had spread down the hall and around the living room floor. Grandma helped decorate eggs with the grandkids with new gadgets that might come out at the store. There would also be an egg hunt in the backyard, and she had a large container of plastic eggs that were filled with more candy and gold eggs with each child’s name on them, filled with money. Everyone got the same amount. It wasn’t an Easter dinner that day, it was another feast. It was the last of the 3 turkeys we bought at Thanksgiving. At our circle of prayers, again there were always thanks for the one who prepared this meal, in the prayer somewhere along with thanking those that served and God for his blessings and this day. Ginny always wanted to be last so she could say “Amen”.

Butter horns, does everyone know what these are? They are a fluffy pastry covered with confectionary sugar frosting on top and made by the hands of an angel. How true that is now.

Have you had her Chicken Divan? Her mother made this for catering and Ginny had perfected it to be the most delicious meal on the planet. Beth had a catering company learn to make it for her wedding. I would joke with the grandkids because their favorite was Turkey squares and mine was Chicken Divan. She would make this way too many times but if they wanted turkey squares, she would go out and get the supplies to make it for them. It started off as a special meal and then grew into them having this once every 2-4 weeks or so. She would make them once a week if they wanted them. I would joke with Lily that Chicken Divan was better, and we had to go back and forth about Turkey Squares were the best and why. You can’t be serious Lily would tell me. Turkey squares were perfection. In the last couple nights, my girls have made both and asked me if it matched being as good as Ginny’s. I responded yes, the important ingredient was love. That’s what she always put in it.

She was a great cook and wife. When going out to a restaurant she would ask me “how my meal was”, and I would say, “it was just OK”. I never could figure out what to order because it usually wasn’t as good as her cooking. We were home eating dinner one night and I tried to explain to her. When I eat what you cook, it’s always the best meal. I never had one thing bad to say about what we had. I let her know her meals were always perfect even if we were warming up leftovers. “You can’t get this good of a meal in a restaurant” I would say. I wanted to see that smile.

When someone came in from out of the state, we would stop at El Indio’s for lunch. It was an old Mexican restaurant that has been around for years and has great food and the best chips. She had lots of favorite restaurants. If we passed a restaurant that I wondered if the food was good and I said, “I have never eaten there”, she would most likely have. Everything she ordered was delicious and everything I ordered seemed like, not so good. I should have got her recommendation before I ordered.

Holly works for Disneyland. How lucky all the family was for that. We loved Disneyland and all the kids and grandkids have never had to pay for a day going there. Holly would take us both at Christmas for a special party just for employees. The employe’s would have the whole park. Anytime Disney opened a new attraction or area, cast members got to get in that first, the week before, and we were her significant others to go. She loved our time there with the whole family or just with the 3 of us. On her I-watch, she had mickey as the clock and as we went to bed each night and she put it on the charger, Mickey would say “Goodnight Pal”. The family also did a Disney Cruise. It was expensive but probably the best vacation we have all had.

It's raining outside. You would have thought it was Christmas or her birthday. We don’t get lots of rain in California but when it does, this woman loved the rain. A fire at night during the rain was a simple treat. When we had to go out, I would run or have an umbrella, but Ginny would walk slowly with her face to the sky. Getting wet was not a worry but a treat from God.

At night she would lay her head on my chest. We have a love seat. She would tell me how she loved to hear my heartbeat. Could she say anything nicer than that? It beats for you, my love.

We usually go to places as a family. We would rent a large cabin in Big Bear for a holiday in the snow. It was such a great time. We would sled and ski and just play in the snow. Some summers we rented trailers for each family at Lake Elsinore camping. They didn’t have to pay because things cost enough these days to not have them worry about saving to go. It was about the family being together to have fun and getting away. To sit around the campfire and lay back to watch the stars. She is up there somewhere among them.

We bought a trailer to tour the United States when I semi-retired. I told the boss we were heading across the United States and would be gone a couple months. It was a great trip. My sister-in-law, (Abbey), and I would look for places to visit along the route. She and Ginny would find places to spend the night. We headed north to Yellowstone, west towards the Upper Peninsula. There we picked Lilac’s, her favorite flower. It was the right time of year and our trailer smelled great. They were as pretty as her. We headed into Canada, New Hampshire, Vermont, and Maine. She loved lobster. Having one from a small fishing village, fresh at the dock was special. Turning back around, we went back to Michigan to stay with her sister and visit family for 2 weeks. Any time in Michigan was special to her. Cindy then jumped on board, and we headed home along Route 66. We had such a great time. I can tell you that this United States is huge and it may be the only time you will see a fox alongside the road. We drove over 3,000 miles and doing it on only one road, you realize the amount of land, crops, houses, and people in this great country, but we saw so many great things. Along the way we always looked for animals. Cindy said, “Did you see the fox.” None of us did. She was pulling our leg.

Her favorite sight when asked, she might tell you was Mount Rushmore. It was pretty spectacular. Gas was much cheaper as you headed west where the weather is a dry heat. Have you been to a Buc-eey’s? We have ventured out on several other trips since and had many adventures together. We only had the trailer a few years but made many memories with it. This was supposed to be just the start. On our 50th wedding anniversary, we were going to go to Italy. Covid stopped that. I was hoping to get her back next year. Now it’s not important if I ever go. My heart is not into traveling anymore.

Come see her fairy garden in our back yard. We have collected and family members have bought fairies for it. One of her favorite statues is one that overlooks that garden. It’s a statue of the Blessed Mary. Her mother had this at the house she grew up in. All the fairies are happy when she comes back to visit. I hope she is still visiting.

At any time, when we thought of something we had done and couldn’t remember the name or person, she would tell me “give me a second” and she would go into thinking mode, and it could be a few seconds or minutes and she would come up with the answer. She said, “I had to open the boxes and doors to find it”. She would get a kiss for being so smart and right. Heck, she got kisses for a lot of things. A huge hug and a kiss will be missed.

I can’t remember any event, for the Grandkids, she didn’t attend unless she was out of town. Recently Lily got an award at school. Someone forgot to tell her about this and oh did they hear about it. “No excuses, this will not happen again”, she said, jokingly. It was cute how she played them with the idea of not being asked, and they stumbled to explain why she wasn’t invited. She knew that would try harder.

Our house is not a designer house. If you have been over, we have walls plastered with family pictures. I had a hard time competing with my art and wood carvings to find a shelf or wall space. (Consolidate, I did.) The refrigerator was covered with pictures of other people’s kids. Are most people’s refrigerators bare, ours wasn’t.

She loved to do crafting and it would make her happy thinking it was going to make others happy. She would always love to make something for the kids or friends. Pinterest became her favorite site.

We had a 50th birthday party for Ginny. She usually didn’t want any fuss about herself, but she was going to have family and friends come, which made her happy. There would be no cooking that day, so she thought of getting a food truck. We ventured out to locations after location to sample what they served. We heard about the Del Mar Racetrack having 50 trucks one day, so Holly, Ginny and I headed there to try and pick one. I think those that came know that her final selection was a good choice. I never heard what it cost but she told me I didn’t need to know. She was right again.

Enter the Breakfast Babes, later known as the Lucious Lunch Ladies because they moved their meeting time closer to noon. She went to the Hamburger Factory one day and ran into a group of women she knew and some whom she played soccer with. They invited her to join them, and she has been going for years ever since. What a great bunch they are. I had just started to attend because I was almost fully retired. They had lost a few women over the years, and I am saddened deeply by the last one they lost. I may have to keep coming because they loved my jokes. You could tell because of how they rolled their eyes.

She had lunched every Wednesday, when possible, with these ladies. Her mind was always working on an upcoming event, trying to think, “what can I make for this?” I think the joy was in those that enjoyed what she did. It warmed her heart and mine. They can tell you many stories of what she did. Kevin was always the server. Some say it’s the only reason for going to the Hamburger Factory, because of his serving skills and wit. She loved caffeine free Diet Coke but knew pop was not great for you. She agreed that one a day would be what she would drink. When I started coming to lunch, Kevin would try to give her a second glass somehow and called me the Coke Police for limiting her to one. Well, you know what he really called me, (coke nazi) and she would smile.

If she heard you were sick, expect a dinner or meal coming your way or something sent if you were out of town. When her nephew, Kevin was in the hospital, she bought all the nurses treats a couple of times as a thank you. She even flew out a couple times to be with her siter Cindy because she would be alone for some weeks. She loved her sisters.

She would ask me what we should do or get for someone in need. She mostly came up with something on her own that warmed her heart. It was a big heart that we all will miss. Please take a heart stone at the viewing, so that when you see it, you will think of her and do something special for someone else.

We never watched scary movies or ones with the devil. I think the tv was mostly on Hallmark. You were to get a feel-good ending. Christmas moves in July, and they started before Thanksgiving. Something she loved and looked forward to. We watched other stuff and she never complained if I watched something she didn’t care for. She would sit with her iPad and play games. She was a master. I am not kidding. The skill she had was unbelievable. She would get a high score on the internet many a week. She was a master at solitaire. I didn’t know you could make the moves she did. Sitting watching tv was another time for us both. I would slide forward and rub her feet. They were usually sore by the end of the day. She would be so appreciative and ask if she could scratch my back. Who was helping who here? I rubbed her feet a lot and I didn’t need scratching, I just loved making her feel better.

I would say, “I love you”. She would always say “I love you too.” During the day she could tell me, “Did I tell you how much I love you”, I would say “I don’t think so” and she would say it again. We could play this game a couple times a week. I will miss this so much. “I love you”.

We were a family that conserves. We save cans, bottles, and glass. Whenever we had several bags full, we would head up to recycling. With the money we got, she would put it in a special envelope. The envelopes had the grandchildren’s name on them. When they turned 13, they would get the money. Tehya and Emma were the last to receive several hundred dollars. Money also came from the change in my pocket each night. They each had a piggy bank. There are 3 grandkids to go, and I will continue the tradition.

If we were at the grocery store and she saw the firetruck in the parking lot, she would pay for their groceries or buy them dessert or something. Maybe at a drive through, she might pay for the car behind her. It was our money and she might ask if it was OK and I would say, whatever you would like to do is fine with me. If the firemen were at a fast food, it was paid by anonymous. I loved anonymous.

During Covid, we got into doing 1,000-piece puzzles. It was so competitive that Holly bought us each a t-shirt. Mine said the apprentice, Holly was the team captain, and Ginny’s shirt read the puzzle master. It’s hard to be the master when you are colored blind. It was also important that whoever put in the last piece, would claim victory. As we got to the last few pieces, one would be “lost”. It was like an Easter egg hunt to see if you could find this silly piece. It had to be within arm’s reach of the puzzle. Being the apprentice, it was pretty hard to outsmart me with this joke. Ginny had none of this. She did her part, and we could play our little games. If it was just the two of us, I left before the last piece, so it was her victory. Honestly, she put most of it together.

She lived for my jokes and sense of humor. I may be pushing this a little. She taught the grandkids to say the phrase, “gotta love him, gotta love him, gotta love him.”

She never had braces and check out how straight her teeth are. She never had a cavity until I think she was 40. She has only had a couple in her life. I love her smile.

In May of 2022 she had a brain bleed. We were both lost as to what was happening. She talked about her seeing me walk into the room with no lower body and then it would appear. We had no idea what that was about but the next morning we took her to the hospital because something was wrong. I feel God gave me the gift of more time with her. I needed a few more years God.

I have been telling people that my heart is broken. There are not enough words to explain it other than this. The tears in my eyes I can wipe away. The Ache in my heart will always stay. I think of the adventures that would have been ahead of us. I grieve more thinking I can’t enjoy these places or doing things like when she is not there.

When I got home, it was a kiss. When she came home, she kissed me. If she left, it was a kiss goodbye. We never went to sleep without a kiss. I never got the last kiss before the paramedics took her that day, but I gave her plenty in the hospital, though she was probably already gone. I only hope the Lord lets her see the love in that room that day. I wanted our story to be one of growing old together and wearing our bodies out. Hers wore out before mine. I am so sorry. What I will miss the most are our hugs, your kindness and smile, our walks at night, rubbing your feet, and a kiss goodnight.

She taught me so many endless things: Be kind. If someone has a name tag, respond using their name.

My advice to our young people, have children, love them, and hopefully grow old with them and they give you grandchildren to love.

You can’t imagine the magnitude of what was taken from me and the family that day.

If there ever comes a day that we couldn’t be together, I will keep you in my heart and there you will stay forever.

I have said enough here. She was the very best as you can see. Now, I must move forward, but with tears in my eyes, and memories of her in my heart. It’s hard to breathe sometimes but my Love for her will live in my heart forever. Love you always. As I signed all her birthday and anniversary cards,

Love Always,

David