“At one of the highest points in the Selkirks, magic and precious memories are found. May all who come across this memorial stone also find an appreciation for their loved ones, their time on Earth and the magic of this place.
"Life is temporary as fuck and if you're reading this, you were lucky enough to wake up to another day. Try not to be an ungrateful little shit. Life is too short. Don't waste a single additional minute of it being a turd. You know all those things you've always wanted to do? You should go do them. You only live once. You might as well be a badass." In loving memory of our badass girl.
Life story
This sweet and sassy soul, Kailyn, aka: Baby Cakes, KK, "Carl" (an inside sibling joke), left our world unexpectedly, but peacefully, at the age of 25 on 4/11/24. It was not suicide or drugs or a "suddenly" (the answer is no, for those wondering). There was no foul play and no trauma. She was taking a night to herself and was alone. Alcohol was involved (a brief relapse after taking amazing steps to break the chains of alcoholism, as she was in a period of growth and peace and optimism in her life) as she drank two beers. She was found peacefully laying in bed, fully clothed, shoes and all, like she just fell asleep.
Kailyn was an empath to the core, which can be a painful and heavy load to carry. She was one of those people who lit up a room and kept everyone around her laughing with her quick wit and humor that came effortlessly to her. She made everyone feel loved and valued, even when she herself was struggling. Somehow she knew her life on earth was going to be short and she had told several of her closest loved ones just that many times. Two months before she left us, she told me in all seriousness, through tears, that she badly wanted a future but when she tried to see one, it was just blank. She adamantly insisted she was not suicidal but said "What if I do die, mom? I just feel like I am going to soon." The night before, she had also told her best friend she wasn't going to get any older. (This was not the first time she had told us she didn't feel she would live very old. In fact, I believe that's part of why she started drinking the last few years) I insisted that she was making great decisions to put herself on a good path and would have a long happy life. She cried and said that I just didn't understand. Her last text to me was "I'm so homesick and nowhere feels like home." Somehow, in retrospect, I find a little peace in recognizing that she truly did have this knowing, because if she knew, then she must have come here from somewhere with a plan to make it a short one, which explains why she lived so intensely in such a short time. and if she had a plan, so must I. And if I have a plan, so must YOU. And if we all have a plan, then we must be going back to somewhere to benefit from that plan....all...of...us. We all came here for a reason, for lessons and experiences we wanted to have. I hope if you are reading this that you will strive to enjoy every second that you have left, loving fiercely and looking for the beauty that surrounds you.
25 years was not, will never be, enough time with you, Baby Cakes. As beautiful as you always were earth side, I am certain your sweet, sassy, hilarious, INTENSE and empathetic soul is now the most spectacular version of yourself ever and I can not wait to see you on the other side. In the meantime, I will see you on the mountain today. I LOVE YOU MORE, forever and always.
I've been teetering back and forth on wether I wanted to post some of our memories together, one because I'm not sure it's my place since we lost touch a few years back, and two because you always hated that I posted our "ugly" pictures everywhere. But I wanted to share my piece of you that can never be replaced for myself. I know you're probably shaking your fist down at me for posting these pictures again, they've been set to private in my albums for many years, but these are special memories to me that are very painful to look at now. It's been therapeutic writing this to you, so apologies that I'm letting these pictures resurface again but I wanted to write this to you to help myself process this.
Dear Kailyn,
I can't help but smile when I think of our incredible journey together. From building forts, doing cartwheels where we definitely shouldn't, breaking bones, doing stupid shit together, endless laughter and adventures, you were more than just my best friend, you were my sister and a part of my family for such a long time. Everyone always thought we were sisters and we let them believe it. Do you remember when you stepped on the rake outside my house and the rake prongs went into your foot?? And not like a little bit, the rake full on stabbed you. You took it like a champ while we rushed you to the hospital, haha. You always joked that the scars on your foot would look like the writing on the bottom of Woody's foot from Toy Story.
We both fell in love with cheer and gymnastics together, do you remember all the years we did upward? Even the beginning years of build it, we were always together. The fifth grade talent show will forever be one of my favorite childhood memories, which you still have posted on YouTube by the way!! The way we made our friends do a whole cheer routine with us to the hamster dance song still makes me laugh. We matched shirts and sweaters anytime we could, you went on family vacations with me for years and you really were like a sister to me and all my siblings for so long.
You always brought me to church with you and more often than not we'd volunteer to help watch the kids during the adult service. I remember so vividly countless times that different children fell asleep in our laps while we were rocking them. Your kindness, infectious laughter, and unwavering support touched my heart in ways words can't express. It's almost hard for me to find childhood photos without you in it. You were such a big part of so many awkward formative years with each other and I wouldn't change it for a thing.
We lost touch through high school and beyond but reconnected recently, and I'm so glad we had the opportunity to talk several times before you were gone.
Since the last time we caught up, I know life had not been good to you, and I wish I could have done something to make things play out differently or ease some of your hardships. 25 years cut too short, you will forever live on in my memory as the little girl who was not afraid of anything and had big dreams that we always shared with each other.
Rest in peace Kailyn. It brings me some solace knowing that you're finally at peace and not in pain anymore. You will forever hold a very special place in my heart. 4.11.24.
Love,
Your hammy
I heard somewhere that time passes differently in heaven. By the time your loved one turns around to look for you, you’ll be right behind them. I can’t unhear that. See you soon, Carl, but not soon enough. Time is crawling by without my little sister/best friend/my two chains/my white Italian hulk by my side. I miss you more than words can ever express. Life isn’t the same without you here earth side. 💔
