The Eulogy I gave at Mama’s Funeral 🩵
Thank you all for being here to love and support us through what is absolutely the worst time in our life. We have definitely felt your prayers over the past few days as we go from strong to weak in a constant cycle. While I’m hardly strong today, I need to be the one to speak about Michelle, as it is the last thing I am able to do for my mom. Now where do I begin..? How does one describe Michelle? She was so many things. A Daughter, mother, grandmother, sister, aunt, friend & a fighter.. She was tough, but also compassionate. Driven, but also fun and funny. Competitive, but also empathetic. Restless and patient. Curious and prayerful. Everyone thinks that things in life have to be fair, that no one gets the upper hand. But that’s not true. This world is certainly unfair. If the world was fair I wouldn’t be standing here giving a speech at my mother’s funeral while others are in front of me holding their mother’s hand. I’m jealous. I’m Jealous of the daughters and their mothers bc their love is given and received but now my love is grief. Our mom was the best. Caleb, Hunter & i couldn’t have asked for a better mother. Growing up she made sure we had everything we needed plus more. She was so selfless. Mama loved god and she loved going to church. I’ve been led to Jesus by so many people, but I’ve never been led by someone more than my mom. Mama loved all her family. I remember every weekend we were going somewhere to visit family. If she hadn’t seen you in like a month you better believe she was making a visit soon. That’s one of the many things I loved about her. She loved everyone. I wanna be open for a moment. When mama had the brain aneurysm in 2009 i was so mad at God for taken the mom I knew away. I was only 15, I needed her. My brothers needed her.. Yes, she was here but she wasn’t the same time. It felt like He punished us and I had no idea why. I just knew I hated it. And there were moments that I hated Him. If I could talk to my younger self now. If I could have a moment to pull her aside and let her know she would be ok. That she would grow up to be strong, compassionate And capable bc that’s exactly how mama was. If I could let her know, that this pain would become what made her never go to bed mad. That it would make her not be scared to tell people they were important. That she would never shy away from telling people she loved them. If I could just talk to her and tell her to hold her head up. That God had not punished her. That God had not let her down. And that God would walk with her each step of the way. I can't go back to tell her, but I can make sure to never forget how my greatest pain became my greatest purpose. With mom’s passing I’m thinking differently… I used to think the truth was that God had punished me. That He took my mom from me. But the truth was.. My mom was God's child before SHE was my mom. He loved her first. He didn't take her from me. She wasn't my belonging. She was His blessing. And though it took me awhile I realized, his blessing never left & It still remains. I know the pain is hard. Trust me I know it. But there is a bigger picture we may never see. And a bigger plan we will never know. As my mother lays here in front of me, she’s not burden to one box. She’s here in every one of us. She’s here in my brother Caleb, he’s strong and undoubtedly brave just like her. She’s here in my brother Hunter whose eyes replicate hers. Whose strength comes out in every single way. She’s here in my grandma, with her radiant smile and how beautiful she is. I may have lost my mother but she’s here with me in so many ways. Our mom was a fighter. She has fought a long hard fight but she is resting now. I know she is in heaven looking down on us. She is fully healed and not in any pain. One last thing. Caleb & Hunter mamas song to us.. I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance I hope you dance.
