Helen C. Pena

6 years ago today

6 years ago today I greeted you at the door with a hug a kiss and a skeeeeez!!! I wish I could still do that now ❤️

Missing you

I’m missing you a lot today, grandma. I have no one to talk to on my lunch break! I’m sitting on this bench in Madison Square Park and I just wish I were on the phone with you telling you about what I’m eating, the beautiful weather, and the fact that the dog I’m sitting next to is named Rene (Renny). I know that you’re with me anyway, I have already seen the number 111 three times today, but I miss your voice. Thank you for always keeping me company and being my best friend. ❤️

My Eulogy

Thank you all for gathering today to celebrate the life of the wonderful Helen Creitoff Pena, or as I liked to call her, my Amma. My name is Christina Helene Monaco. And for those of you who knew my grandmother, my name is Sunshine. My grandmother was a special person… a “very serious person,” as she would often remind us- but one overflowing with joy, faith, and love. Corinthians chapter 13 verses 4-7 reminds us, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” If I replace the word “love,” this reading still rings true: “Grandma is patient, grandma is kind. She is not self-seeking, she is not easily angered. She always protects, always hopes, always perseveres.” My grandmother, in addition to everything else that she was- elegant, stylish, fierce, and intelligent- was the embodiment of love. Those who knew her were lucky enough to receive it purely and unconditionally. My grandmother taught me to apologize and to forgive. She taught me to stay true to myself and to trust that God’s plan is bigger than my own. She was my pillar who modeled compassion, resilience, and selflessness, which she exemplified throughout her life as a loving daughter and sister, a loyal friend, a doting wife, and later as an only parent. A young widow, she so bravely and unwaveringly spent her life committed to raising her family up. Brick by brick, she laid the foundation for the life I am so grateful to lead, often sacrificing her own interests along the way. She made it clear- our dreams were her dreams. My grandma would often say “What’s mine is yours.” Of everything she has shared with me, which has been plenty, I am the most grateful to have received her unbridled time. Growing up, some of my favorite memories began when I would see Grandma’s “Blue Boy” (her beloved 1989 Toyota Camry) outside of our house as I got off the bus from school. Like Pavlov’s dogs, I knew that meant that I would walk into my kitchen smelling like the best restaurant in town, and that I would get to spend the next few hours talking to my best friend. And then of course, I would call her at night before I went to sleep, just to say goodnight and tell her that I love her one more time. Like I have done every night of my life. I do not have a memory that doesn’t involve my grandma. Every graduation, every birthday, every elementary school Halloween parade… she was there. And if she was not physically present, I’m sure she picked out my dress for me. But she was more than just a milestone grandparent, she was there in the in-between. She was there every time I cried in my room as a sensitive child, to console me, to let me know I was heard. She was there to play Othello and eat cheese & grapes during a sleepover after making a gourmet meal just for me. She was there to pick up the phone during every train ride I have ever taken, every car ride I have ever driven, every lunch break I’ve ever had. To keep me company, to listen, to be my best friend. Those are the greatest gifts she has ever given me. Writing this eulogy may be the worst thing I have ever had to do. Nothing I could say in this forum could possibly reflect the deep, expansive love and connection that my grandmother and I shared. It could also never express anything that hasn’t already been verbalized. My grandmother could not contain her love for her family and she gave it eagerly through the warmest hugs and the most honest and free-flowing words. Nothing was ever left unsaid. I am honored to have spent nearly 28 years showing my love back to her. My grandmother’s spirit is one that brightened every room and touched every person who was blessed enough to meet her. It is no surprise that throughout my life, I couldn’t run an errand in town without being asked “Where’s your grandma??” This ceremony today is a reminder that I will always be able to answer that question knowing that my grandma is right next to me. My grandma is holding my hand, straightening my back, and guiding my steps. She lives through me. She lives through each of us. My brothers- her Mr. Handsome, her René, and her Special. She lives within each of you. She always taught us to be good listeners. Now, we will listen intently to hear her speak to our hearts. Her soul is incorruptible and immortal. To her adored children, Uncle Teddy and April Helene- to know you is to know Grandma. We only have each other. “Each other” may look a little different now, but it is not without the strength, guidance, wisdom, and eternal presence of your mom. Remember Grandma’s words: “Those tears are precious.” She is deserving of every last one that we have (and will continue to) shed. But she would also want us to know that she is not alone. She has never been alone. She is with her friends- the angels, the saints, and Jesus, who she knew and loved so deeply. She is with your dad. And someday, we will get to meet her again in the most jubilant and blessed way. So as a reminder to us all, from my grandma: “This is not goodbye, only see you later.” I love you, my amma. More than you’ll ever, ever know in your lifetime. May God bless you and keep you. Thank you.