Peyton Rhianne Giessner

Trauerrede - “Mein Worschtgewitter”

Ich möchte mich zuerst bei allen von Ihnen bedanken das sie an der heutigen Trauerfeier teilnehmen. Es viel mir sehr schwer diese Worte zu finden. Wie soll man nur all die Dinge, die wir das Glück hatten gemeinsam zu erleben hier in einer kurzen Ansprache zusammenzufassen. Wo es Licht gibt, gibt es auch Schatten. Peyton musste von Geburt an mit gesundheitlichen Herausforderungen kämpfen. Nach Peytons Geburt hat es nicht lange gedauert bis sie zum ersten Mal gelacht hat. Das zusammen mit Ihren grossen blauen Augen war ein Erlebnis. Es waren die ersten Zeichen der inneren Freude die nur darauf wartete sich allen zu zeigen. Wie bei allen Kleinkindern folgten reguläre Besuch beim Kinderarzt. Besuche beim Kinderarzt sind oft mit Leckereien verbunden. Peyton bekam bei jedem Arztbesuch einen Dum Dum Lutscher. Wenn sie möchten können sie gerne weil sie mir weiter zuhören einen “Dum Dum Lutscher” probieren. Es dauerte 2 Jahre bevor der schreckliche Alptraum beginnen sollte. Eine der Träume von dem man nicht aufwacht bis der Traum ganz zu Ende ist. Peyton’s Doktoren entdeckten einen sehr gefährlichen Krebstumor in Peytons Hinterkopf. Es folgten viele Operationen. Während all dieser Operationen sandten Familie & Freunde in den ganzen USA positive heilende Energien zu Peyton. Sie nannten es die “Dum Dum Therapie”. Peyton ist ein sehr grosser Disney Fan. In Amerika gibt es für lebensgefährlich erkrankte Kinder eine “Make-a-wish” Stiftung. Es dauerte nur weniger als eine halbe Sekunde als Peyton gefragt wurde was sie mit Ihrem Wunsch machen möchte - Sie wollte Mickey Mouse besuchen. Nicht lange danach verbrachte Peyton eine Woche in Disney World, Orlando. Bei Disney fühlte sich Peyton gleich wie zu Hause und das hat sich in Ihrem ganzen Leben nicht geändert. Sie hat jeden Moment genossen und sie kehrte so oft wie möglich zurück, meistens zum Anlass von Jubiläen Ihres erfolgreichen Kampfes gegen den Krebs. Peytons Krebsbehandlung brauchte sehr aggressive Medikamente mit vielen Nebenwirkungen und mit Folgen die sie ihr ganzes kurzes Leben begleiteten. Um nur ein paar Beispiele zu nennen - es gab u.a. Herzmuskelschwäche, Sehschwäche, Hörschäden, Lernschwierigkeiten und andere soziale Herausforderungen.
Aber auch wenn sie nur die kleinsten Chancen hatte, Peyton meisterte Alles was sich Ihr in den Weg stellte. Sie hatte es geschafft. Sie war das einzige Kind aus der ganzen Gruppe von Kindern die zusammen durch die Krebstherapie gingen, das die Behandlungen überlebte. In Arizona gibt es bis heute immer noch einen Behandlungsraum der Ihren Name trägt. Im Januar 2017 wurde die ganze Familie inklusive Oma und 3 Hunden in 2 Autos geladen und begann die grosse Fahrt Iowa nach Oregon. Die Fahrt nach Oregon war im Märchen mit vielen Zeichen die Ihnen den Weg wiesen. Die Familie wusste damals noch nicht nicht warum, bis dann der Juni 2016 kam. Unsere gemeinsame Reise began im Juni 2016 als ich endlich meine Frau und “Soulmate” gefunden habe. Zu diesem Zeitpunkt hatte ich noch keine Ahnung das ich außer einer Frau auch eine Tochter finden sollte. In den Jahren bevor wir uns trafen hatte ich die Hoffnung eine Familie zu finden schon aufgegeben. Als ich meine Frau fand, habe ich auch meine Tochter gefunden. Sie hat mich von Anfang an mit offenen Amen und viel Liebe empfangen. Wenn ich hier zu Hause in Neckargemünd bin rufe ich meinen Vater “Fadda”. Für Peyton auf Ihren eigenen Wunsch wurde ich zu Ihrem “Fadda”. Im Lauf der Zeit haben wir viele Kosenamen füreinander gefunden. Peytons Kosenamen sind jetzt auf den Herzen Ihrer Urne eingraviert. Meine Lieblingsname für Peyton war und bleibt für immer “Worschtgewitter”. Als wir in 2018 damit begannen unsere Hochzeit zu planen haben wir gemeinsam entschieden das meine Frau meinen Familiennamen annehmen würde. Peyton hatte sofort auch den Wunsch geäußert eine “Giessner” zu werden. Bei unserer Hochzeit hat Peyton meine Frau zu mir zum Altar begleitet - Das ist eine weitere Schlüsselstelle in unserer gemeinsamen Geschichte, die ich nie vergessen werde. Als wir alle zusammen in unser umgebautes Haus zogen hat das tägliche Leben uns immer enger zusammen gebracht. Es ist schwierig zu beschreiben, unsere Liebe ist einfach von Tag zu Tag organisch gewachsen. Als die Pandemie began, waren wir immer alle zusammen zu Hause und entdeckten gemeinsam einen neuen Rhythmus um das täglichen Leben zu Meistern. In mitten all dieser Änderungen und neuen Herausforderungen wuchsen wir ständig als Familie enger zusammen und wurden zu - Team Giessner. Im Dezember 2020 haben wir den Prozess von Peytons Adoption begonnen. Bei März 2021 war alles geregelt und Peyton wurde von hier an auch offiziell Mitglied von - Team Giessner. Im October 2023 besuchten wir Disneyland in Kalifornien um Peytons 27. Geburtstag zu feiern. Es war ein riesiges Erlebnis und wir alle hatten so viel Spass. Es war Peytons erster Besuch als Erwachsene und sie hat jeden Moment in vollen Zügen genossen. Innerhalb von 2 Wochen nach dem tollen Urlaub zeigten sich bei Peyton erste Krankheitssymptome - etwas stimmte nicht. Die alte Wunde von der Krebsoperation am Hinterkopf hatte sich geöffnet. Wir lernten nach mehreren Besuchen bei verschiedenen Doktoren, Peyton musste operiert werden um die Wunde zu schliessen. Später fanden wir heraus das sich die Wunde im Hinterkopf entzündet hatte. Die folgende Operation war der Anfang einer schrecklichen Reihe von Krankenhausbesuchen und Nach-Operationen, die uns schliesslich hier her gebracht haben. Peyton hat uns plötzlich und unerwartet verlassen. Wir kämpfen immer noch damit die Leere, die Ihr plötzliches von uns gehen in uns hinterlassen hat, zu verarbeiten. Mit allem was Peyton in diesem Jahr durchgemacht hat, war sie immer in der Lage die kleinen Momente zu geniessen. Sie hat in der Gegenwart gelebt, hat jeden Moment genossen, war anspruchslos und fand grosse Freude in den kleinen täglichen Dingen des Lebens, wie zum Beispiel mich beim Mau Mau am Krankenhausbett zu Schlagen. Peyton und ich haben beide Vater / Tochter Armbänder. Wir haben sie täglich getragen und nie abgenommen. Peyton musste Ihr Armband ablegen als sie ins Krankenhaus eingewiesen wurde. Jetzt sind beide Armbänder hier bei mir an meiner linken Hand als Zeichen das Peyton immer bei uns ist wohin wir auch gehen. Wir sind jetzt heute hier zurück nach Neckargemünd gekommen um Peyton in unserem Familiengrab direkt neben meiner Mama zur Ruhe zu setzen. Peyton besitzt so eine mächtige Seele und es ist mir eine Ehre für immer Ihr “Fadda” zu sein.

U.S. Eulogy - My Greatest Mark in this World

I’ve struggled to find the words for something like this. How does one find perfect ways to convey all the things that I was blessed to bare witness to, experience, and that I must now try to summarize into a brief-ish story? I’ll start with her favorite story…her arrival. Peyton was already making her very unique path known by 36 weeks as I developed itchy hives from head to toe. I was told it’s an allergic reaction to the pregnancy. A week before your due date, I entered maternity leave only to be woken up Monday morning 7:30 am to pee, and my water breaking. The adventure begins. A sign that there would be no sleeping in and that there is a new sheriff in town. In what I later realize as her true schedule, she arrived whether I was ready or not, at 3:50 the following morning - a natural nocturnal soul. She announced her arrival as most do, with a bountiful wail. Her disapproval with exiting the warm comfort of my womb was immediately diminished by just the sound of my voice. As they cleaned and checked her, she looked for where my voice was coming from. In moments, she was in my arms and our eyes met. She was the most beautiful little soul my eyes had ever seen. I mean, all mom’s say it. But, I am holding conviction on this statement. Cutest dang kid ever. her head full of blonde hair, which caused months of constant heartburn, was an instant bonus. Within the first couple days, we entered what would become a lifetime of physiological obstacles. The first being the discovery of her lacking a thyroid. This earned you an extended hospital stay and home bili light therapy to help her overcome lack of critical processes the thyroid brings. Days after starting life-long thyroid replacement medicines, she were thriving. She puckered her bottom lip and her cry was the sweetest little angel song to me. It didn’t take long to see her first smiles, with those big blue eyes. It wasn’t gas. It was her inner joy already beginning to shine. Like most normal young humans, regular doctor checkups followed. Shots when due. As she grew, I came stocked and ready to reward with a treat for each appointment. Me trying to be a responsible mom with only a small bit of sugar, I gave her a dum dum pop. You’ll find that they are placed throughout the room. I would like to ask that you consider enjoying one while you hear about more of her story now. It would be 2 years before we entered what seemed like a terrible dream. One of those that you can’t wake from and must simply go through. Headaches in a 2 year old are uncommon to say the least. She developed them around Christmas following her 2nd birthday. In time, she developed nausea overnight to go with it. With arduous tests, frantic doctor visits, and facing dismissal from said doctors accompanied with accusations of false symptoms, our demand for an MRI was finally answered and met with immediate emergent discovery of a very dangerous tumor in the back of her head. I will never forget hearing those words leave the doctor’s lips as I waited for her, my entire world, to wake from sedation were only the beginning of what would become a 2 year path of treacherous treatment for what we soon learned was cancer. Sitting there with her in the dark, to help keep her calm, while clerics came in to offer last rites was not what I imagined her second year of life to be. Pretty sure no one ever expects that. I expected tantrums, swimming lessons, princess dresses. Never cancer. Prior to this, she was already potty trained, loving her sitter, had long wavy golden locks, a keen sense of fashion, and eyes for weapons. Multiple surgeries followed that week. You know the saying “it takes a village”? The village showed up, and big. It was like a convention at the hospital for her surgery days. Before I continue, I would like to ask that you consider picking a dum dum pop, and enjoying it while I share why they are there. ALL parties consumed them throughout her surgeries, as well as recoveries and whenever they wanted to send positive healing vibes, as if to say “keep it up, you’re doing great”. We called it dum dum therapy. After the 5 surgeries in about 9 days and her first chemo received, she returned home, learn how to walk again, re-gain bladder control, start to talk and get used to this new norm of daily meds. Her hair began to fall out after about 2.5 weeks. It came out in clumps. Me thinking I was being discreet, was quietly gathering the clumps of her beautiful strawberry blonde locks to keep. Well, that didn’t go as planned… She started to give them to me when they fell out. Oops. She HATED finger sticks and got them every time she saw the oncologist. He made up for it by being charming and offering her tootsie pops (although they are second to the treasured Dum Dums). Through that, she still found joy, mastered the art of riding the IV pole as your transport of choice, celebrated the new movie finds or pajamas from Gramaw, stouffer’s Mac n cheese, scrambled eggs that Grumpy made, and won the hearts of so many medical personnel. They even dedicated the radiation room to her. It was officially Peyton’s room. At least with a grim year 2 and 3 treatment plan, she got to make a wish. It took her all of .5 seconds to say she wanted to go to Mickey’s House. And soon after, we spent a week in Orlando at his house. Disney World is like the mother ship for this little girl and remained that her entire life. She loved every single moment she had with every character and cried after every we moved away from them. She was treated like a princess, got to feel joy, experience magic, and forget her daily fight for a while. Like most everything, we settled into a rhythm and rode out the storm of cancer treatment. Every 3 weeks, we were back into the hospital. This was followed by 2 weeks of feeling like crap. Rinse and repeat. After the 15th chemo treatment, her heart began to fail, as heart toxic chemo was the main medicine in her particular cancer treatment protocol. The familiar pangs of crisis mode were back. This is the part where I began to fear that life-threatening challenges were becoming a very unwelcomed pattern. Although she still had 3 rounds to go, we ended treatment and prayed on the hope someone out there heard. But, like everything else that came at her, she surpassed it, overcame the odds. She made it. She was the only cancer kid of the kids we built relationships with that was still alive. It was then that I also began to see that maybe she’s here for a very big purpose, far greater than my simple mind had considered. Throughout the next couple years, she had small bumps in the road. But, following cancer, things like eye muscle strengthening surgery, glasses, hearing aids for ear damage from the radiation, and infections occurring from her suppressed immune system were so much more manageable than the big C. We began to see slivers of normalcy… You know, dance classes, pre-school, first puppy, barbie jeeps. Honorable mention here to her love for pajamas, dresses, and trying to convince us that she really needed her own bras. And, of course, we can’t forget the bend and snap, pedicures and her innate attraction to 80s songs. So much personality here, in so many cute ways emerged. We celebrated every single birthday big as I considered them to be moments to treasure because given her established pattern of life-threatening challenges, I was hopeful, but wasn’t sure we would see them. We went to Disneyland to celebrate her one year anniversary of completing chemo and still being in remission, thanks to valiant efforts to win a free trip from a local radio station. The team effort every day for weeks by Misty, Mom and me. Misty won! It was life-giving for her and me both to see how much joy she had seeing each and every character. She was ready to run away with Tarzan. Her foot popped when she hugged him. She waved at me as if to say, it’s been great and all, but she was going with him. Nice try, kiddo. Her heart failure was somewhat managed, but the Arizona heat was unforgiving. Her doctors urged us to consider more mild climates to help her heart. In 2005, we moved to West Des Moines, Iowa. Her physiological health was by all accounts, stable. Her immediate first highlight of our move was the breezy summer days that were easier than AZ summers, and Club Libby Lu. Club Libby Lu was an explosion of glitter, costumes, and even a mall “show” that they got to do as part of a session. Oh my goodness. It was like she stepped into a dream, right there in her neighborhood. West Des Moines gave her the pace she needed, the small town nice feel we both yearned for, and an entirely different life chapter. Life with snowy winters, windy days most of the year, and celebrating Halloween on the 30th were interesting and usually chilly. I loved severe weather that would come in transition sessions. Peyton, not so much. We attended NOAA training together, and became trained weather spotters. This helped her identify severe weather, which helped her to minimize her fear for the sirens and thunder. This is a particularly handy skill living in Tornado alley. It wasn’t all sunshine and roses, however. New challenges emerged. School challenges, school peers (good and bad), and changing dynamics with her biological father introduced new dark spots in her otherwise happy daily life. It did have impact on her, but didn’t snuff out her spark to find her joy in little things. Little things like farmer’s market Thursdays, parades on literally every tiny holiday, school dances, and new friendships with staff, teachers and some rare souls. It was here that I personally noticed how different she was from others, in a very good way. But, my mama bear instincts were always on high. Keeping vigilance with school staff helped except Peyton forged friendships with Adults. They were nicer than the vast majority of younger humans. To help her with independence, She attended her first summer camp at age 10 and LOVED it. She went on to attend each year until she reached adulthood. When we moved to Iowa, the cardiology team had her tested and evaluated for transplant placement. Another scary panic pang hitting my scarred chest. However, over time, she went from being evaluated for transplant to stabilization, baffling her doctors. It was by this time that I made it clear (sort of jokingly sort of not) that she was not allowed any further life-threatening illnesses. In her years as she grew, it was such a joy to see her evolve, expand, be a normal kid. Well, normal…for Peyton’s standards. At age 12, she still believed in Santa. In my house, we encouraged magic in our hearts wherever possible. Santa wrote her a letter, gave reindeer food, and ate the cookies she made. She was happy he didn’t burn his britches coming through the fireplace. That year in particular, she asked for a massage table. Yes, Santa delivered. He always delivered. What 12 year old do you know still believes in Santa. Or rather, asks for a massage table? She also got into crystals and using essential oils. A healer in the making? When I look back on that, knowing her, absolutely it was. In 2010, we all returned to Disney World to celebrate her 10 years remission. What a trip that was, and what a beautiful celebration to have. It was her happy place. always. Her next challenge actually began when we were still in Arizona, but we couldn’t do much about it until her bones fused. You see, the radiation as part of her cancer treatment stunted the development of all of her adult teeth, leaving baby buds in her gums that had no roots. So, as teeth would fall out, others did or didn’t come in but didn’t stay long as there were no roots to keep them. Imagine for a moment being a kid who is pre-teen, and teenager with only some teeth. It killed me to see low self esteem plague her, despite hearing from me how beautiful she is. What do mom’s know, right? We had temporary prosthetics to help, but kids are cruel. We worked for years to track and strategize how to address her teeth. In 2011, we officially began a multi-year journey to completely reconstruct her jaw to support a full set of implanted teeth. In this, yet again, she endured more than a year of painful surgeries, not being able to chew or close her jaw together, relentless bullying from her peers. She moved to virtual school to finish out her academic requirements. She found friendships in places like our church, yoga classes, tons of volunteer work, and a few rare souls who showed her unconditional kindness, love, support. She got her Hollywood smile, as we called it in early 2013. In 2014, she got her first job as a greeter at Walmart. It didn’t take long to recognize that it affected her stamina, and some of her cognitive limitations. Working was a challenge and led to weakened system, which also led to infection and injury. In 2015, she graduated high school, and began to plan for massage school. We were already in conversations with a local shoe company with an opportunity for a move to the Pacific Northwest. Enter new chapter. In January 2016, we loaded our 3 dogs, mom, and two cars, and made the trip across the country to our new home. It was like a fairytale of green lights and signs from above that this was destiny. It wasn’t until June that we realized why. In June, I met Michael. This is Peyton’s story, so I will spare you the sappy gooey love story of soul mates finding one another and focus on how Peyton also felt connected and drawn to him from first interaction as well. She was not a blind follower when it came to those she felt safe with. He nearly immediately became part of our life. In her words, she finally found the father she waited for her entire life. She has and knows her biological father. But, Michael was here by choice, every single day. They built their relationship independent of ours, both drawn to one another as father daughter. By 2018, we were married. Peyton has two parents actively in her life every day for the first time. She was happy for me, and also happy for herself. I as a witness to the love they share is life-giving for my soul. Seeing her be unconditionally loved by him, for exactly her as she is was the rare gift she was waiting for in a father. As most of you know, we went to Disneyland in October, to celebrate her birthday. Those were some long, but fun days. She had an absolute blast. This was her first experience at a Disney park as an adult. She loved the new perspective and was all about protecting us from the First Order in Galaxy’s Edge, or beating the snot out of us on the Spiderman web attraction. I thought I was gonna die. Ok, maybe that was dramatic. It was hot as heck, and my feet felt like they were going to fall off. It was within 2 weeks of that fabulous trip that she began to show symptoms of something not being right. A hole had opened on her scar line in the back of her head (radiated skin), and would require surgery to close. We’d learn over time that there was an infection at that site that was lurking in her bone. The surgery to “close” her scar ended up being the start of a brutal couple months, leading us to where we are today. She endured some of the most horrific surgeries and treatment that she’s ever experienced in her 27 years. It crushed my soul to see her wounds. After multiple failed attempts at healing, other options were being explored. She passed suddenly after a quick deterioration. We are still reeling. Of all I have experienced, seen, gone through with her - being stunned is the nicest description to offer even as of today. I could sit here today and say how shattered my soul is at the moment. And then I look at Michael, the man who chose to be Fada. And my heart aches for him. We hurt, and are processing together. I can’t pretend to be in a place I am not. Drawing on every fragment of strength we can scrape together, we managed to find pictures (some still stuck on CD’s), and memories, and tiny points to capture the essence of this soul is the hardest task of love I’ve ever experienced in all of these years sharing life with Peyton. Remember earlier when I mentioned it takes a village? Well, like Arizona when she was going through Cancer treatment, I witnessed a village come together yet again. This time, I realize…it’s Peyton. She is who draws us together. We received so many well wishes, kind words, prayers, offers of help. I am grateful to each and every one of you. I tried to limit how many people would experience this first hand just simply because it was that bad, and leaves scars. With that, there are a few individuals that I would like to personally thank for the help this past couple months. This was not a picnic or vacation or fun on any level, these past months. Misty - You were on a plane within 24 hours of our request for reinforcements. Your kindness, humor, and willingness to help was desperately needed. I’m sorry you broke your wrist chasing Indy on our icy deck. But, glad you can flip the bird again. Rebecca - Thank you for taking the baton from Misty and carrying the PM shift at the hospital. You were here, away from your own daily life, your boys, your grand babies for a month. I’m sorry Harley destroyed your slipper when he saw the suitcase come out. It was your daily love and play with the pups at our house that kept them sane until we were home. Ashley - for keeping Becca’s pups fed, entertained for an entire month while recovering from childbirth, dealing with accidents, and carrying the load for two households during her absence. I know it sucked. I know it was more than a sacrifice. I am grateful. Mom - keeping the house going while we navigated daily hospital coverage. You were always there for Peyton and me when she was young. We were both out of practice for this one. Regardless, you were going through all of this with us. Trish - You have been nothing short of life-giving. Like fresh oxygen. Your high emotional IQ, tireless humor and authentic selflessness made the mountain of tasks, issue solution, borage of emotional hits, and orchestration of many feel seem less. You claim your intuition isn’t there but it sure felt like you were reading my mind with everything. You just always know and without any need for explanation. I thank you for all you have brought to our lives and for going thru these very dark days with us. Traci and Marc - what can I say? When I found my bestie in you, I gained a brother by heart. The two of you are a creative force to be reckoned with. A power couple at the core, you get through anything. This trip is yet another where you have been the bind that ties us all together with art, entertainment, and shenanigans. I couldn’t ask for more and love you so very much. I know you know how much she loves you. Thank you for everything always. Any others I may have missed, please know that you are seen, heard, and sooo deeply appreciated for everything you gave. Through everything she endured, celebrated, encountered, struggled with even in these last days, weeks, months, she still had that same gift for finding joy in simple things. Starbucks (bonus points when she’d swipe mine, catching up on her favorite medical drama series, beating Fada at Mau Mau. I think her favorite might have been watching us try to share a bed the size of a camp cot and giggling with every grumble and rustle as we settle in for the night. The shakes of her hospital bed from her laughing will always be that spark of light in an otherwise very dark time. It has been particularly poignant to revisit her life journey in photos, videos in preparation for today. I see, remember, and re-feel all the stories behind them all over again. The good, the great, the bad, the ugly. There is one theme that stood out in all of this. It seems so simple now. She loved in the now moment, asked for nothing, and found joy in the smallest moments. Candid admission here, I, as her mother, saw the areas I could not protect, the opportunities I could not create, the time I missed, the life events I don’t get to enjoy with her. But, she didn’t. She loved fully. She gave everything she could. She found joy in the small moments. She is the very picture of what we strive for when we pursue spiritual growth. What we search for when we seek God, what we hope our souls become in our life. I know she lives on. I feel her. In time, my knowledge of her very much alive existence in the angelic realm won’t feel like it took my heart with her, but rather opened it. This is my prayer. I cling to it today and hope that you will always feel the light she brought you. She is a gift to us all, and we are all individually better in this life because she shared part of it. And to Peyton. You will always be the greatest mark I have to share with this world. We know you’ve only gotten out of one car, and into another. I love you so very much, await all our interactions, and look forward to holding you again. Team Giessner, first and forever.