Noemi Rivera

mama

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Dear Mommy, October 27,2023 - Packing Day

Packing up this weekend was bitter sweet. Being around your items made me feel close to you but knowing that these items would not be touched by you again broke my heart. You would have been so proud of daddy and I. I actually surprised Daddy by showing up at his front door on Friday just after noon. I know how much you love it when I would surprise you with a visit. Right away we started working on the closet. I am so glad that you are a neat organized person because it helped so much. I put on your favorite latin music and made the event as cheerful as I could. Part of me was always waiting for you to walk through the door and be like " What are you doing in my closet"! The next day, I started early in the morning right after breakfast and got the rest of the house done. Mommy, your craft items are next level. I kept thinking about the blessing all the items were going to be to those who received them. Even though you are not here, you are still blessing people. Both days , I did so well emotionally. Until the end of day 2. That's when I decided that I needed to go through your bathroom makeup area. I knew daddy would not know what items to keep and what to get rid of. While dividing the items, a heavy cloud fell over my soul. This was personal stuff. Things you used daily. Many items you and I had tried to see if they really worked. I couldn't help but feel like I was doing something bad by going through these things. Mom, I sat on the bathroom floor and in that moment,I realized you were not coming back. The grief of that hit me so hard I couldn’t see anymore because the tears would not stop flowing. I audibly called out “ Mom, I’m going through your things you better come check it out" Mommy, I don't know how to do life without you. You are my best friend. Everything I do, see and hear reminds me of you. Our relationship was what many dreamed of. You knew me inside and out. I sometimes would just call and I didn't have to say a word and you would know exactly what was wrong. You were my soft place to fall, my biggest supporter, my friend ,my prayer warrior and my daily encourager. I 'm lost Mom. I'm trying my best and I know you would be proud of the steps I have taken so far, but when the reality of it all hits , the pain and grief is overwhelming. Everyone says you're in a better place and the truth is,I know you are with God. I know you're rejoicing like never before but I can't help but feel alone. More alone then ever. I went from having daily connection with you to nothing at all. Mommy I miss you. I still needed you. But I know when it's our time to enter heaven, it's our time. Mommy I am trying my best each day. I'm living with half of myself and life feels so different now. I don't want this "new normal". I just want to spend a few more minutes in your arms. If you can hear me or see me from up in heaven please know Im trying my best and leaning on God for each and every minute. Love you to the moon and back.

Favorite Memories of Noemi

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Songs Noemi Loved- Playlist

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