Today marks the finale for the sadest and traumatic days of my life alltogether with the last weeks. Its been very painful weeks since the incident that cost her life happened, followed by all the stepstones and obstacles of waiting for processes to be fulfilled to get her to Manila.
All started 15 Months ago, Mid July 2022 in Singapore. I was initially visiting my cousin there and we met on Tinder beforehand. We got so well together and liked each other from the very start and had a lot in common. I really liked her a lot even before we ever met. Until then I had no clue how much happyness, joy and love was ahead of us. We spent my whole time in Singapore together and i left Singapore with 5KG more bodyweight and already missing her so much right after, followed right by planning her stay in Germany with me before she was moving to Hong Kong.
After this time it was clear we will spent our life together, because we loved each other so much, so getting married was just the next step. We planned the marriage and invited everyone and managed to gather all the people from different continents to celebrate our Beautiful small wedding in Hong Kong and all that in about 3 months. She did an amazing job managing everything on the spot, since Im not based in Hong Kong. I felt bad that she had to do most of the managing, since i could only help her planning mostly.
Hong Kong was a difficult chapter for her. She was not very enthusiastic about moving here, but at this time she had no other choice. Living there was torture for her, since she is a very loving and caring and friendly person and she needs friendly people around her to have that energy. She was like a vulnerable flower that needed sunshine and water in form of me around her giving her all the love she needs and also being surrounded by friendly and polite people, unlike the shit hole called hong kong with its hordes of soulless, joyless, greedy zombies trapped in the rat race.
Even though sadly our paths only crossed for a very short time in life we had so much love for each other that would have lasted for a life time, we experienced so much together, travelled to over 15 different countries and shared stories with each other like we are already an old couple. It's safe to say that our journey together was way more intense and full with experiences than most couples do in their lifetime. I feel like we already lived a lifetime together compressed into a very short time on this earth.
It breaks me thinking about how close our final happy end was, ending our long distance relationship by her moving to Germany after the approval of the dependant VISA so we would have been united forever finally to do the things we loved to do, starting a family and growing old together.
It breaks me knowing that i lost her in the place she despised so much. She was so restless and had a very
busy year since she was such a viable and crucial part of her company’s success together with all the planning of our marriage that i was looking so forward having her here with me in germany, giving her all the love, time, rest and healing she needed to recover from this troublesome and busy year.
It also breaks me that the incident happened exactly 3 months after our Marriage. We got married on the 26th of June and the Fire happened on the 26th of September. Life can change for good and bad just in the blink of an eye, its heartbreaking. Since that happened, i feel dead inside, my mind is absent, all my thoughts are with her, even though because of that i can barely hold myself together for one hour straight since i cant stop thinking about her because i miss her so much and i love her so much.
One of the saddest realisations in life is, that no matter how much you love someone you really dont know how much you love someone until this person is taken out of your life. There are so many things i want to tell her. A lot of her friends told me how happy she was with me and how much she loved me, yet i still feel terrible and helpless and it tears me apart that i was not with her and there was nothing i could do to prevent what happened. Something inside of me died that night aswell.
Even though I already tried my best to make sure she knows how much i love her and give her all the comfort she needed it still feels like it was not enough! Bianca was the most important person in my life ever. She was so full of joy, happyness, humour, funand so full of love. She always had so much love to give and was the most selfless person i ever met.
NEVER IN MY ENTIRE LIFE HAVE I EVER FELT SO LOVED, YET DID I EVER IN MY ENTIRE LIFE LOVE SOMEONE SO MUCH.
I never felt happier seeing someone happy than her. She was my soulmate, my everything, my love, my partner in crime. She had gone through a lot before she met me and I could almost entirely cure her from the loss of her father, from what she still suffered. I loved every small detail about her that made her the unique person she was.
As i also already mentioned and i am sure this is not news for everyone here, she was so selfless, that it became my ambition to make sure that i am there everytime she had doubts or insecurities about herself, to show and tell her how precious she is, how she means everything for me and how much i love her. She gave my life purpose, happyness and brought out the best side of me, a side of myself i kind of forgot about or barely knew that it existed in the first place. I also loved the vulnerable side of her that made me feel complete to comfort her and be her anchor in the safe port of love located in the stormy ocean called life.
She had so many talents, she was a great musician, a world class teacher and educator for kids and she would have been an outstanding, loving mother. She was a perfectionist and had the eye for the small details to round it up. I loved her enthusiasm with everything she was attending, it was so contagious. She was a brave traveler, travelled everywhere in Asia and almost everywhere in Europe, yet i never could
figure out how she could travel to all these places in Asia having a tremendous fear of snakes.
All thats left is the hope that runs deep in me and keeps me away from going insane that she is in a better place now. She deserves the best possible in every aspect, no matter if it’s on earth or wherever she is now. She was so pure. even in her death she helped others by donating her organs which saved three lives.
She is an Angel. And i dont want her to be an angel up there already! She was already an angel on earth and did not deserve what happened even a bit!
I am so grateful that our paths crossed and even though i will be in pain and i will never forget her until the end of my time. if i had the choice of going through all that again for the reward of having her in my life even though i wouldn’t be able to change what happened i would not think twice doing it all over again.
My love, I cant wait seeing you again when my time has come.
All i have left to say is again, that i love you so much and i miss you so much, my mimi.
I will never ever forget you.
In eternal love
Benjamin
Memorial Video
