It’s not goodbye, it’s see you later…
Where do I even begin? You were the love of my life for ten beautiful, unforgettable years. You taught me things no one else could have, lessons only you were meant to show me. Your wisdom, your heart, your unwavering love for me were undeniable, seen and felt by everyone who knew us. These past almost two years have taught me even more. You were right, not everyone is your friend or your family. Vulnerability is often exploited. Time is fleeting. But through all the pain, I’ve also learned that there are still good people in this world. And I’ve learned that love, true love, doesn’t end. My love for you, Jason, has never ended. It never will. To say I’ve moved on would be wrong. I’ve simply found a new normal. I’ve rediscovered pieces of myself that I thought were lost forever. And I’ve found someone who not only loves me, but also honors you to the very best of his ability. That doesn’t erase you. That doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten. It means I carry you with me into the new chapters, always. I still long to tell your story, stories about you, memories that make me laugh, moments that bring tears, the way you loved, the way you lived. For a long time, even hearing your name felt like too much. But now, I can say it again with warmth in my heart. Because you deserve to be remembered, Jason. Fully, loudly, beautifully. Walking through your criminal case was one of the most painful journeys I’ve ever faced. Justice? No. It didn’t bring you back. It didn’t bring back your big smile, your big heart, your endless love. It just left a deeper ache. At one point, I didn’t want to go on without you. I didn’t recognize myself anymore. The Sara Benningfield I was with you felt lost. You helped shape me. Because of you, I became that version of me. And when you left, that part of me went with you. I felt hollow, like a shell of who I used to be. But then little signs. A cardinal on the porch. A rainbow after a storm. The chance to tell your story. That’s when I knew you were still here in your own way. Watching. Guiding. Loving. You sent me my rainbow after the storm, Jason. And I thank you for that with every piece of my heart. I miss you more than words could ever capture. But I wouldn’t want you to come back to this earth, not with all the pain and brokenness, because I know Heaven is your home now. You’re whole. You’re safe. You’re free. One day, I’ll see you again. Until then, thank you for watching over us. For being my forever love. I love you, Jason. I always have, and I always will. I love you, handsome 💔
