How to write a eulogy

For anyone who has been asked to speak at a funeral or memorial. You will get a simple plan, a structure that works, sample lines, and tips for getting through it on the day.

Being asked to give a eulogy is an honor, and it can also feel like a weight on top of grief. The good news is that a eulogy does not need to be clever or perfect. It needs to sound like the person, and like you. People in the room are not grading you. They want to remember someone they loved, together.

This guide walks you through it in order: what a eulogy is, how to gather material, a structure you can fill in, sample lines, and how to deliver it when your voice wants to shake.

What a eulogy is, and what it is not

A eulogy is a short spoken tribute given at a funeral, memorial service or celebration of life. It tells the people gathered who this person was: their character, what they cared about, and the small things that made them who they were.

It is not the same as an obituary. An obituary is written to inform: dates, family, service details. A eulogy is spoken to remember. You can leave out most dates and lists of jobs. If you also need to write the obituary, our guide on how to write an obituary covers that part.

Step 1: Find out the practical details

Before you write a word, ask the family or the funeral director a few questions. The answers shape everything else.

• How long should I speak? Ask for a number of minutes.
• Is anyone else speaking? If so, what will they cover, so you do not tell the same stories?
• Where in the service will I speak, and will there be a microphone?
• Is this a religious service with its own customs? Some churches and faiths have guidelines about when and how a eulogy is given, so ask the clergy or officiant.
• Are there any topics the family would rather I not mention?

A slow, steady speaking pace is about 120 to 150 words a minute. So a 5 minute eulogy is usually about 600 to 750 words. If you are given a time limit, write a little under it. Emotion slows people down.

Step 2: Gather memories before you write

Do not start with a blank page. Start with a list. Set a timer for 15 minutes and write down anything that comes to mind, in no order: things they said, how they laughed, what their kitchen smelled like, the car they drove forever, the way they answered the phone.

Then ask others. A short text or call works well: "I am giving the eulogy for Dad. Is there one story or thing he always said that you would want people to hear?" You will often get details you never knew.

• What did they love to do, and how did they do it?
• What did they always say?
• How did they show love? With words, food, fixing things, showing up?
• What were they proud of?
• What was funny about them, in a kind way?
• What did they teach you, even without meaning to?

Look through photos, letters and cards too. A birthday card in their handwriting can give you a perfect line. If the family is collecting memories on a memorial page, read what people have written there. You can start a free memorial page where family and friends can add their stories, which makes this step much easier.

Step 3: Choose one idea that sums them up

The eulogies people remember usually have one clear thread. Read your list and look for what keeps coming up. That is your theme. It might be a trait, a phrase they used, or a role they played.

• "He never met a stranger."
• "She fixed things, and people."
• "Grandpa always said, there is time for one more cup of coffee."
• "Mom was the one who showed up."

Once you have the idea, choose two or three stories that show it. Let the rest go. You do not have to fit in a whole life. Leaving things out is what makes the stories you keep stand out.

Step 4: Use a simple structure

This shape works for almost any eulogy, for a parent, a spouse, a friend or a grandparent.

1. Opening (about 30 seconds). Say who you are and how you knew them. Then share your theme in one sentence.
2. A little of their life (about 1 minute). Where they came from and the people and places that mattered. Keep this brief; the program and obituary can carry the details.
3. Two or three stories (2 to 3 minutes). Each story shows your theme. Tell it simply, with one or two specific details.
4. What they leave behind (about 1 minute). How they changed you, their family, or their community. What we carry forward.
5. Closing (about 30 seconds). Come back to your theme, then say goodbye in your own words. A short line, a favorite saying, or a few words directly to them all work.

Sample lines you can adapt

These are written for this guide with made-up names, to show the tone. Use them as a starting point, then put in your own person.

If you are writing a eulogy for a parent

Eulogies for a mom or dad are often the hardest to write because there is so much to say. It helps to focus on who they were to you as a child, and who they became to you as an adult. Small daily things often say the most: the lunches they packed, the songs in the car, the advice you rolled your eyes at and now repeat. If you have brothers or sisters, ask each for one memory and mention them by name. It makes the eulogy feel like it comes from the whole family.

Humor, hard truths and family tensions

A little gentle humor is welcome at most services. Laughter is a kind of recognition: yes, that was them. Keep it warm and about the person, never at someone else's expense.

Every life has hard parts. A eulogy is not the place to settle them, but you do not have to pretend either. Plain honesty works: "Dad was not always easy, but he never stopped trying," says enough. If there is tension in the family, stay with stories everyone can share and leave the rest unsaid.

Step 5: Read it out loud, then trim

Writing for the ear is different from writing for the page. Read your draft out loud and time it. Wherever you stumble, shorten the sentence. Cut anything that sounds like a list. Keep their own words wherever you can.

• It fits in the time you were given, with a little to spare.
• Every story connects to your main idea.
• Names are spelled and pronounced the way the family uses them.
• Nothing would embarrass or hurt someone in the room.
• The last line is one you can say even if you are crying.

Step 6: Getting through it on the day

• Print it in large type, double spaced, with page numbers. Do not rely on your phone screen.
• Bring a second copy and give it to someone you trust. If you cannot go on, they can step up and finish it for you. That is fine and it happens often.
• Have water nearby and a tissue in your pocket.
• Breathe before you start. Look at one friendly face.
• If you get emotional, pause. Nobody minds. Take a breath and go on when you are ready.
• Go slower than feels natural.

Ask the family if they would like a printed copy of your eulogy. Many families keep it with the funeral program or add it to the memorial page so people who could not come can read it.

After the service: keep the words

The eulogy is often the most personal thing said about someone. It is worth keeping. You can share it with the family, read it again on anniversaries, or add it to a memorial page alongside photos and stories from others. If you are also putting together the order of service, our guide on what to put in a funeral program shows where a eulogy usually fits, and you can make a free funeral program in a few minutes.

Common questions